*Taste*
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
*Hygiene*
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to
drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private
using one's OWN truck keys.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a
women's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
*Dating* (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you
since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 P.M.;
Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.
*Theater Etiquette*
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has
ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
*Weddings*
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling
shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
*Driving Etiquette*
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right
of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.